Yeah this is the right thing am cheating some one and cheating deeply. I know what is truth but don't know how to handle it.....I don't know why this happned to me..and this always happens to me
!!!
This really hurts me and it did a lot...a lot of tears and am here to coaxing and cajoling some one....m knowing i am betraying some one..Kisi ke emotions ke sath khel rah hun..but khelata rah ..I don't know waht was on another side but I was always knowing what's in my side..
Any way i can only suggest..be happy where ever u are.....an wherever u need me i wil b always there..but b happy....We al have to manage some what..and we learn to respect God's decesion...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Once again Wo akela pan wo tanhai....
Phir se wahi shunya....Wahi shani wake ekaki and wahi akelapan...
Same feeling sare log ghar ja rahe hain aur main nahi ja pa raha hun..Lg bhi mere bare main pata nahi kya kya sochate honge....Per mujhe bhi lag raha hai kuch dino ki chutti nikalker ghar ho lena chahiye...
Pata nahi aaj kyon ajab sa feel ker raha hun...ek dun wahi tanhai and wahi viranapan feel ho raha hai jaise 14th aug ko udaipur main ho raha tha...
Any way sham ko kuch likha wahi kuch line likhena chahunga...
"Yahan andar ka sunapa bahut paresan karata hai/Ekaki aur tanhai bus 2 hi nam hain jindagi ke/khabhi anadar ki tanhai aur khabhi bahar ka sunapan/bus yahi jindagi hai/sochata hun jab bahar main diwali ki jagmag hogi to andar ek shyah wirana hoga,ek kali andheri rat hogi/pata nahi main aisa kyon ho gaya hun/pata nahi kyon///
Bus aisa hi chalata rahega ..jindagi
Same feeling sare log ghar ja rahe hain aur main nahi ja pa raha hun..Lg bhi mere bare main pata nahi kya kya sochate honge....Per mujhe bhi lag raha hai kuch dino ki chutti nikalker ghar ho lena chahiye...
Pata nahi aaj kyon ajab sa feel ker raha hun...ek dun wahi tanhai and wahi viranapan feel ho raha hai jaise 14th aug ko udaipur main ho raha tha...
Any way sham ko kuch likha wahi kuch line likhena chahunga...
"Yahan andar ka sunapa bahut paresan karata hai/Ekaki aur tanhai bus 2 hi nam hain jindagi ke/khabhi anadar ki tanhai aur khabhi bahar ka sunapan/bus yahi jindagi hai/sochata hun jab bahar main diwali ki jagmag hogi to andar ek shyah wirana hoga,ek kali andheri rat hogi/pata nahi main aisa kyon ho gaya hun/pata nahi kyon///
Bus aisa hi chalata rahega ..jindagi
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Long ago....
Long ago I posted here something and ...as I know ..I can't write any thing when i m not in mood....This time ...m writting.....feeling something diffrent..something blank in my life...every one has a planning for this dipawali ..but i don't..Where to go and why to go? Don't hv enough money to be at home and also not having lot leaves..so i just dropped the plan....
m right now in SBBJ training center..for last 10 days as i arrived here on 5th ..and got a quite a diffrent feeling on 1st day itself.....I just got the emptiness of friendness.....such a foolll..i ma but now it's clear ..how i jv to behave and how i hv to be here.......got the clear idea..
Not spaking to much...yup people are diffrent here. from TCS......many manners..and m trying to accomodate myself here...
people in TCS were all alone ..but they were not interfering in other' life and here..lot of stuff is to enjoy..and..lot of stuff to bu amused.....
A diffrent variety of people m getting here..and perhaps enjoying...
m right now in SBBJ training center..for last 10 days as i arrived here on 5th ..and got a quite a diffrent feeling on 1st day itself.....I just got the emptiness of friendness.....such a foolll..i ma but now it's clear ..how i jv to behave and how i hv to be here.......got the clear idea..
Not spaking to much...yup people are diffrent here. from TCS......many manners..and m trying to accomodate myself here...
people in TCS were all alone ..but they were not interfering in other' life and here..lot of stuff is to enjoy..and..lot of stuff to bu amused.....
A diffrent variety of people m getting here..and perhaps enjoying...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Leaving Udaipur to my new destination KOTA
When I came here at Udaipur on 16th july,I was afraid that how the life will be? Udaipur did seem a sllepish town.And I was thinking ki pata nahi kaise life kategi,But after 1 month bahut hi accha lagane laga and ....Bahut sare ache log mile aur sab se ek accha relation ban..bahut acche log bahut acche dost..but sabse buri bat yahi ki posting meri bahut hi ghatia jahah mili...Mujhe bahut khushi hoti agar meri posting J'khand main ho jati...
Ab kuch likhan chahunga jo maine kal apani diary main rakha hai!!!
"Today is my last day here and tomorrow I am leaving to BARAN ,my next destination.Baht sare tension hain dimag main,pata nahi age ki jindagi kaise kategi! Bahut hi dukhi hun pata nahi kyon meri posting jharkhand main nahi hui.
and abhi rat ke 10:20 baj rahe hain.Vividh bharati sun raha hun.Sare log yahan se chale gaye hain,sirf main yahan akela rah gaya hun! ek ek ker sare log nikalate chale gaye,pahale ahemadabad wale then delhi wale den MP wale then Mumbai wale ...then sourabh and Abhinaw also gone I am alone here...Mujhe rine ki iccha ho rahi hai.ksi ke sath share karana chahat hun but ,,nahi ker pa raha hun..Aise hi kis jagah main, ye mahsoos hota hai ki jindagi main kisi khash ki kya jaroorat hai. 1 mahine mere jindagi ke kaise gujare mujhe pata hi nahi chala ,padhan khelana aur ghumana ..bus itani jaldi gujar gaye ki pata hi nahi chala....Bus sab logon ke nam likha chahunga:--
1.YAsh
2.Deepak dubey
3.Nishant Sah
4.Sonali
5.jigar
6.Sangeeta
7.Nistha nagar.
8.Meena
9.Madan murai jha
10.Saurabh awasthy
11.Abhinab budholia
12.Mohit
13.Kavita jain
14.Arun Sinha
15.Chinmoy
16.AMit mishra
17.Amar batham
18.Vipin
19.Yogendra thakur
20.Ganesh Phate
21.Mangesh Gujar
22.Anil
23.Manas
I liked these people and loved them,loved the group.I loved the extempore that i have given in Cultural programme.yes of course I hurt 1 or 2 people but that was not intentional.I never mind it.
Nistha felt too much humiliated but i never wanted to hurt any one. and Kavita and sangeeta also felt the same.I am alone here and thinking every bit of past time,i liked here.Y A Bhise sir ,Maheswari sir, Parihar sir and Jolly man..I liked the faculty.
I don't know why i am feeling alone and really sad.The feeling is same as i felt while LEAVING ARCHANA for mumbai in Chennai Central railway station.
Mujhe bhi rone ki bahut iccha ho rahai thi,per bahut hi muskil se sambhala.Bahut sare logon ke ankhon main anshu the.Yash bhaiya,abhinaw,mohit Rajnish,..maine bahut dino ke bad apani ankh main anshu paye..laga ki sare log kitane human hain...MAine in dino main apane upper YAsh bhai ka special attention dekha..mujhe ek dam se ANNA ki yad aa rahi thi same...pawan or Yash...mujhe pata hai aise log bahutb hi kam hote hain 1% ya phir is se bhi kam.Bahut hi accha insan mujhe inmain dikha.Aur Madan bhaiya ..kitane payar se mujhe kinare lekar samjhaya tha ki dekho don't hurt any one in Public. Ye acchi bat nahi hain and ...aur agar criticise hi karani hai to diplomatic hoker karo...He only told me that nistha ko kitan hurt kiya hai....kuch aur login ke sath accha relation bana...jaise Rajnish bhai,Saurabh bhai,amar and vipin..Minal bhai hamesha humare sath rahe humari lene main lage rahe...Aur mujhe is bat ka bhi payar mila ki I was the youngest member.....
Ab jayada nahi likh paunga ...kal main ja raha hun,jindagi main pariwartan hona chahiye..and soch raha hun ek jeans kharid lin ya na bhai kharidun..
Bahut hi dar hua feel ker raha hun..pta nahi baran kaisi jagah ho aur kaise main adjust karunga...aur agar 4 mahine ke bad bhi agar wahin jan pad gaya to pata nahi jindagi kaise jayegi...Sab kuch bhagwan per chodata hun aur sab kuch..bahut likh chuka ab band karata hun..
Ab kuch likhan chahunga jo maine kal apani diary main rakha hai!!!
"Today is my last day here and tomorrow I am leaving to BARAN ,my next destination.Baht sare tension hain dimag main,pata nahi age ki jindagi kaise kategi! Bahut hi dukhi hun pata nahi kyon meri posting jharkhand main nahi hui.
and abhi rat ke 10:20 baj rahe hain.Vividh bharati sun raha hun.Sare log yahan se chale gaye hain,sirf main yahan akela rah gaya hun! ek ek ker sare log nikalate chale gaye,pahale ahemadabad wale then delhi wale den MP wale then Mumbai wale ...then sourabh and Abhinaw also gone I am alone here...Mujhe rine ki iccha ho rahi hai.ksi ke sath share karana chahat hun but ,,nahi ker pa raha hun..Aise hi kis jagah main, ye mahsoos hota hai ki jindagi main kisi khash ki kya jaroorat hai. 1 mahine mere jindagi ke kaise gujare mujhe pata hi nahi chala ,padhan khelana aur ghumana ..bus itani jaldi gujar gaye ki pata hi nahi chala....Bus sab logon ke nam likha chahunga:--
1.YAsh
2.Deepak dubey
3.Nishant Sah
4.Sonali
5.jigar
6.Sangeeta
7.Nistha nagar.
8.Meena
9.Madan murai jha
10.Saurabh awasthy
11.Abhinab budholia
12.Mohit
13.Kavita jain
14.Arun Sinha
15.Chinmoy
16.AMit mishra
17.Amar batham
18.Vipin
19.Yogendra thakur
20.Ganesh Phate
21.Mangesh Gujar
22.Anil
23.Manas
I liked these people and loved them,loved the group.I loved the extempore that i have given in Cultural programme.yes of course I hurt 1 or 2 people but that was not intentional.I never mind it.
Nistha felt too much humiliated but i never wanted to hurt any one. and Kavita and sangeeta also felt the same.I am alone here and thinking every bit of past time,i liked here.Y A Bhise sir ,Maheswari sir, Parihar sir and Jolly man..I liked the faculty.
I don't know why i am feeling alone and really sad.The feeling is same as i felt while LEAVING ARCHANA for mumbai in Chennai Central railway station.
Mujhe bhi rone ki bahut iccha ho rahai thi,per bahut hi muskil se sambhala.Bahut sare logon ke ankhon main anshu the.Yash bhaiya,abhinaw,mohit Rajnish,..maine bahut dino ke bad apani ankh main anshu paye..laga ki sare log kitane human hain...MAine in dino main apane upper YAsh bhai ka special attention dekha..mujhe ek dam se ANNA ki yad aa rahi thi same...pawan or Yash...mujhe pata hai aise log bahutb hi kam hote hain 1% ya phir is se bhi kam.Bahut hi accha insan mujhe inmain dikha.Aur Madan bhaiya ..kitane payar se mujhe kinare lekar samjhaya tha ki dekho don't hurt any one in Public. Ye acchi bat nahi hain and ...aur agar criticise hi karani hai to diplomatic hoker karo...He only told me that nistha ko kitan hurt kiya hai....kuch aur login ke sath accha relation bana...jaise Rajnish bhai,Saurabh bhai,amar and vipin..Minal bhai hamesha humare sath rahe humari lene main lage rahe...Aur mujhe is bat ka bhi payar mila ki I was the youngest member.....
Ab jayada nahi likh paunga ...kal main ja raha hun,jindagi main pariwartan hona chahiye..and soch raha hun ek jeans kharid lin ya na bhai kharidun..
Bahut hi dar hua feel ker raha hun..pta nahi baran kaisi jagah ho aur kaise main adjust karunga...aur agar 4 mahine ke bad bhi agar wahin jan pad gaya to pata nahi jindagi kaise jayegi...Sab kuch bhagwan per chodata hun aur sab kuch..bahut likh chuka ab band karata hun..
Monday, August 3, 2009
Life is sucking me!!!!
Really I have written that life is beautiful but it's not for me!!!!I don't know why ...Why I am suffering I don't know why!!!Last time I have written that ..It's all my purwajanma ka pap...I don't know why all this happening to me....
I thought I will be happy in SBBJ and with now they are pushing me to go a remote village..M more frustrated b'cause one person from My batch got TATA..why din't I? I don't have any connection that i could convert it to a big city or to my home state...It's making my life more misarable.....
M thinking my back life in an MNC and thinking perhaps i made a wronge decesion..m pessimistic in this way ..i know that but i can'y help....Am i going to stay here for ever or what....i don't know any one there and m alone from my batch there...Hay bhagwan aisa kyon ho raha hai !!!! Why are you punshing me.....and moreover.. Why I have to sacrifice all things..what I like to do? Is that the Job I liked or it's my compeltion to do this...I don't know???
Sunday, July 5, 2009
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